Back on Track

This past week, I have worked daily on forgiveness and reclaiming peace. I had to remind myself that everyone really does the best they can with what they know and where they are in consciousness. Including me. It would have been very easy to stay in anger and resentment, but that would only prolong my discomfort. That's a way of letting another person or a situation have power over me. If I want to be happy, I have to take responsibility for my emotions and make the effort to change them.

The little things I do each day that don't seem to be very important are what have helped me get back on track. Sometimes we get too busy to pray or meditate. We don't feel like reading or writing in a gratitude journal. Intentions may seem pointless. But it is the daily practice of these things that gives us the foundation to weather the storms that come in life. Choosing the person I want to be and claiming those characteristics out loud is helping me become more and more how I want to be. When I slip back into old habits of negative reactions, I now have the awareness to say, "Wait a minute. This is not how I choose to be." The old patterns catch my attention, instead of being completely unconscious. Awareness is the key to change.

Today, I am choosing not be in judgment or resentment. The results of the All-State Academic Team judging came in. 95% of the First Team winners are from the county where the judges are. I made second team, but so did the only two students with a 4.0 GPA and the president of Phi Theta Kappa. It is a big accomplishment for a dyslexic highschool drop-out, but everybody likes to come in first. Next week I get a letter from the governor, a medal, and a check at a banquet for all the winners. I intend to enjoy it without resentment towards the obviously biased judges.

It is good to be back to myself again. Taking responsibility for my feelings has been empowering for me, in every area of my life. Thank you to all the people who have expressed support and compassion. You brighten my day and re-awaken my heart. :)
Jacqueline