It Shouldn't Hurt to Be Nice

A great deal of our social programming works at turning us all into people-pleasing, insecure, doormats. I’ve worked really hard to derail that programming in myself, but now I’m seeing it in my son.

He’s eight years old and a very loving, compassionate little boy. He wants everybody to be happy. Unfortunately, he goes to public school with kids who come from dysfunctional and abusive families and they see him as an easy target. Don’t get me wrong, my son can defend himself when he really needs to, but most of the time he doesn’t.

Finding a Sense of Purpose After Abuse

Many victims of domestic violence, or other forms of abuse, feel entirely worthless, that they have nothing to contribute. If you feel this way, I assure you that you do indeed have a purpose and value to contribute.

Those who told you that you were worthless did not know you. They couldn’t see you. They were wrapped up in their own feelings of worthlessness and projecting it onto you.

Knowing that we can help someone else, that we are helping someone, is a powerful way to boost our self-esteem and get motivated to move forward with our life. The first step is to recognize what we have to offer.

The Power to End Abuse

It is with great love and compassion that I, as an abuse survivor, share these words. I cannot stop abuse for anyone else; only for myself. In fact, no government, shelter, or activist has the power to stop abuse of anyone. The power to end abuse lies solely with each and every individual who now believes themselves to be a victim.

Our society has programmed us to believe that we are victims of others, of institutions, and of circumstances. It has benefited those in charge because it keeps people feeling helpless and powerless, so they are easy to deceive and control. It is not in the best interest of the very powerful in our society to have self-empowered citizens.

Social Victimization and the Message of Occupy Wall Street

It’s really no wonder that domestic violence is so common in a society that victimizes its citizens as a matter of policy. We are constantly inundated with messages about how powerless we are, how the matters of our lives are not up to us. Our governments and big corporations not only treat us like ignorant, incapable children, but continually institute programs and policies to insure their absolute control over us.

YOU are Already Perfect

From the minute we come out of the womb, we get constant messages about how we need to improve. If your family went to church, you likely heard that you were born a sinner, imperfect, and there’s nothing you can ever do on your own to be good enough. Only grace, which you may or may not get but certainly aren’t worthy of, can make you good enough for God. That is a complete lie! It sets us on a course of creating imperfection in ourselves and our world to support the false belief.

All our lives we’re told what needs improvement in us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Heck, we have a huge industry called "self-improvement." I couldn't begin to imagine how many teachers, authors, and speakers are out there telling us how to "fix" ourselves.

You Are Enough!

Right now, no matter who or how you are, you are enough. You don’t need to be smarter, more attractive, thinner, taller, or anything else you think you’re not. Who you are is enough of everything because all you have to be is you. You don’t have to live up to anyone's standards or expectations. You are here to be YOU and you do YOU perfectly!

So, take the pressure off yourself to constantly ‘improve.’

What Would It Cost ... to Be Free?

What are you willing to let go of to be free of hurtful relationships and live the life of your dreams? You can have anything you desire, but it’s going to cost you something.

A friend was in prayer on this very subject when a voice said to him, “What are you willing to let go of?” At first, he thought it was about giving up material things to pursue his dreams or letting go of relationships. When he told me about it, I received guidance to tell him that it has nothing to do with material things.

What If You Didn't Judge Yourself?

(See the story of this kitten at the end of the post)

We all know what it feels like to be judged by others, and it doesn't feel good. That's actually kind of tricky. When the judgments of others hurt us, it's because we are judging ourselves and their judgment found resonance with our own. That's where the pain comes from. It's the waking up of our own self-judgment.

Have you ever noticed how much you judge yourself? It’s easy to see all the ways other people judge us. We’ve experienced it our whole lives. What about the ways we judge ourselves in our head? Just try looking in a mirror and not thinking anything judgmental! Judging ourselves is a form of self-abuse. Haven't we had enough abuse?

Not Broken, but a Blessing

Your presence on this earth is no accident. You were purposefully created for the specific gift that only you can give. Most of us are not here to do grand things or change the world in a dramatic way. Yet, by touching one life at a time we can make a lasting impact.

Gifts and Talents, Not Defects

What if everything anyone ever said was wrong with you was actually a gift and talent that they didn’t understand? We live in a society that has established standards of how everyone should be, what is normal, and then tries to stuff all of us into predefined boxes.

Nature doesn’t make the plants all exactly the same or make any of them wrong for being different than others. Animals don’t appear to do that either. Humans seem to have a strange fixation on making everything stay within a limited range of how they expect things to be, especially other people.